it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
