I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
