Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Enjoy the penises
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
