I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
