I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
