All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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