I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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