I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
