So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
worst night to have a conscience
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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