you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
