I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
