actually, I'm a sock model
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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