I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
