I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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