Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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