He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You are a genius and a whore.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
