Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
