Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
