@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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