I faked an abortion last night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
