in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
