i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
