your parents love me but you hate me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think my moral compass just broke
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
