So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
