you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
