Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
