Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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