the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
