If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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