is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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