yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
