kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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