I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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