I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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