First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
