Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
