ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
