I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
