At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
