I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
