i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
