If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
