I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
