if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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