Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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