i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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