wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
