Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
