Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
