I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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