Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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