the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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