You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
