Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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