Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
